we have no spinach and mummy is awfully angry.

mood : nonplussed
music : Tian Liang Yi Hou – Hu Ge

“天亮以后 就再也牵不到你的手
天亮以后 我会慢慢离开你的梦 ..
别难过 所有的痛都由我默默承受”

Baaahpah I must have completely, lost my mind.

Not only, have I started watching Korean and Chinese (not local ones, china chinese ones, I haven’t gone that low thank goodness), not only have I started listening to songs which lyrics I barely understand (to think I used to place a lot of emphasis on lyrics), I have also taken to the art of baking! I feel like slamming myself and boiling my own head.

):

But it is rather strange. The thing I like about these songs, is that I can just somehow sense the pain and despair in them. Considering I barely understand the lyrics, the fact that I am able to tell the tremendous sorrow the person is feeling, shows that they’re good songs. Its like, if a person really loves you, he or she does not need to say ‘i love you’ for you to know that he or she loves you. Blah, I must have really been watching a lot of Korean dramas. I’ve gone all soppy! This cannot do!

This is disgusting and my knee is disgusting too. I am going to have cotton embedded in the approaching scar at the rate its going.

I want to eat ramen and steamed buns! ): and I miss monkey. I wish monkey was here and we were eating ramen and mooncakes and xiaolongpaos and tausaopaos and porridge and grilled sweet potatoes and those hot steamed buns I saw in ch 69! (:

But we aren’t, because those hot streamed buns aren’t found here, which is not there, and that’s all that counts.

I am thinking of stopping this blog. It’s honestly, doing more harm than good. So for now, I will stop. Die, die, and it might be better off dead.

You tore the veil.

mood : contented
music : none

I am so very exhausted. And yesterday, I had a headache and that was why I did not know what I was writing. Was it even yesterday? Can’t remember. Yes, now I think my previous entry was too brutally honest and I really should stop writing like that that is exactly the reason why I don’t like my blog to be read by so many people.

And that is why, I shall just let God do His work.

“But I trust You, Lord, and I say ‘You are my God’. “- Psalms 31:4

Simple, but at the same time. Makes you think about alot of stuff. And it never hurts to think a little bit more. (:

part x, of y for whatever that is to come.

mood : reluctant
music : An Jing – Jay Chou (I know, I have gone mad.)

So, we have reached another end of another part of our lives. It is inevitable yes, but I think we can be pardoned for feeling just a little sad. It is really strange though. I thought I would be happy when the O’s ended. I am, but somehow my mind doesn’t really care about it anymore. The fact lies that its over. It – can refer to a lot of things, things which many would be glad for it to be over, things that many might not. Most importantly now, I am starting to feel something which I suppose everybody felt a long time ago, probably since Longest Day or Founders’. I do not regret not feeling it, but that does not make me immune to it.

I am, of course talking about leaving. It’s really getting to me, and I have felt like crying today more than any day throughout the whole exam period. Perhaps it was because I was too preoccupied during the exam period to really think about everything but today, as I walked home, I realised how much I did not want to go. I remember someone asking me a few months ago whether I would miss my school. “Maybe, we’ll see when the time comes,” I responded.

And it has come, as promised. And all along, I was avoiding it. I did not want to get too close, I did not want to be shredded to pieces like everyone else when it was time to leave. Then as I made the video for the crapbags, I suddenly realised how much I loved you all. We have to move on, I know that, but I hope sadness is not a sin.

I have so much to say, and as recently, words fail me. This, I find rather peculiar because words probably is my forte. After all, I write. And write, and write. And with each writing that I produce, every essay, every story, every poem, whether I hate it and think its complete rubbish, whether I am satisfied with it, I unknowingly give a little of my heart into the hidden depths in between the lines of Times New Roman. My heart is limited, and therefore there is a maximum to how much I can give with words alone.

Perhaps this is better, because then I would finally be able to get straight to the point. Obviously, that is not working, otherwise I would have completed this entry long ago. Nonetheless, it is always better to remain optimistic.

The point is, although I might not be able to say it personally in front of you guys, this is probably honesty at its very peak. After all, vulnerability leads to a final admittance, no matter how grudgingly, how reluctantly.

I deleted it over and over again. I guess I can’t even say it here. But I suppose you all already know what I mean. To every single one of my friends, you guys are the greatest.

i am hungry, and i want to eat xiaolongpao.

mood : hungry
music : Casimir Pulaski Day – Sufjan Stevens

Today, I ate a special kind of dumpling, with some sort of vegetable inside. It was quite disturbing, for reasons which I am unsure of. It was like a cross between xiaolongpao and spring roll! Both, are equally heavenly to our tongues but as they say, two rights make a wrong! Or in this case, that equates to two delicacies make a piece of poo. And therefore, I will never buy any veggie dumpling from that place again.

Anyway, it is just a mere 3 days to freedom. And, speaking of that, I must say I am extremely excited at the prospect of a whole day’s journey to explore food places! I know, it isn’t a normal after exam activity, but since when does normality seem attractive! No, I must go down to the deepest pits and start building a sandcastle in case of war.

Speaking of war, I must watch Taegukgi: The Brotherhood of War! And and, I really don’t know what to say. That, somehow has become my own personal phrase, inherent in everything. The thing I probably need most, is some time off after the exams. I will return back to my favourite hill and find inspiration. I haven’t been writing lately, not so much as because I cannot find the time to do so but more because I am unsure.

Unsure, unsure.
Possibly the most dreadful feeling one could have, but then again it only proves we are human. And I must stop myself now, because I sense that I will soon go overboard. Alright. This would be the end, if only it did not sound so weird. I can’t wait to return to church after what now seems eternity.

did i mention i love wonbin? (because i do, i do i do!)

mood : anticipating
music : Daughters – John Mayer/ For the Windows In Paradise, For the Fatherless In Ypsilianti – Sufjan Stevens

It is just a mere two weeks to one-month-after-slaving-for-ten freedom! And no, I want to stay in and watch all the Korean Dramas in one shot and eat KFC – which, beats going to Orchard/ anyotherplace/I-know-I’m-an-anti-social-pig, but you are welcome to join me! Then you will get hooked onto Korean Dramas as well, which will lead you to the realisation of how wonderful it is, which will then result in me saying hahahaHA.

But no, I don’t think that far into the future. Two weeks, in fact, to me is an extremely long time. I know, its a perception thing because for some, its not enough but for me its looonger than the Great Wall of China! Though I haven’t actually been to the Wall, I know it is 50000 +++ km long! According to beijingservice.com (whether or not you believe these China tourist thingums or not is a different matter and certainly not worth debating about). So why do I feel this adrenaline rush of anticipation, you might ask. If you didn’t ask, just shut up and listen anyway hahaha.

In just a mere FIVE hours (sure beats 2 dreadfully long weeks) My Brother would be showing on Channel U in which stars no other than my beloved WB! 11.30!11.30! I sound like a cheena geek, but hey! Might as well embrace my cultural roots in an exciting way(: I love the television. I now feel so proud to be Asian, have I ever told you that? Asian, mind you. So far, I remain unimpressed by our country’s media efforts. Perhaps its because I rarely watch that! channel, unless of course its for Prison Break which is not counted because its a foreign production and I feel so tempted to suddenly talk about how I dreamt about Wentworth Miller but fear not! I will refrain, self control is vital.

But in other matters ): Today is the 3rd, isn’t it? That means..

.. exams will start full force in less than 3 days! (ahaha, may the force be with you, o student ‘uns) but more importantly ..

THE COVENENT HAS BEEN OUT FOR MORE THAN 24 HOURS, WHY HAVEN’T I WATCHED IT WHY WHY – oh yeah, I have O’s to think about. And I have thought about it, and decided its not worth thinking about.

I know I have been extremely shallow these past few entries (and believe me, I can get shallower) but that must not be mistaken as my genius brain has stopped functioning. It must not anyway, at least for the next 2 weeks. I have been writing, probably more than ever, and drawing, definitely more than ever unless you count when I was a kid. I have to stop now, because I need to watch Goong! If you feel that the previous two sentences felt disconnected, it was because I wrote alot in between and then I decided to delete it. Don’t really know why.

Study hard, muggums.