Finally, a real post after a long time. (Too long, too long.) I wonder whether this post will actually escape the itchiness of my trigger-delete-button-happy finger that so many of my previous attempts before to write what I really mean, instead of the covered up spouts of randomness, fell to.
But we’ll see if it works. This is somehow strangely difficult for me, but I’ll try simply because I feel this need to (:
So! Many things have happened (too many, I think. haha) and my emotional radar is on the verge of dysfunctioning; after all it does strain your brain to feel so many emotions at one shot. I’ve gone to the ends of both extremes -emo and happy, thank goodness the latter came after- and most recently, perhaps this may qualify as a sub-emotion, I have been feeling extremely stressed.
Ah, the word does look familiar does it not, O’s fellows! Stress, stress. No wonder the rate at which we appear to grow old does not correspond to our actual years. Ah, can you see the effect of schoolwork, my sentences are framed more and more in terms related to what we study – especially maths. I find my brainwaves sending out mathematical concepts in almost everything, including other subjects as far range as english (think, number lines!) and my stupid ankle (think ASTC quadrants!), I could almost term this horrible situation as paranoia.
Today strangely, was my paranoia peak, involuntarily sending out stupid stress signals (hahaha). I went from bitterly upset and stressed to bouts of highness as my sleepy and annoyed self struggled from class to class. As I left school, I reluctantly mentally braced myself for yet another sleepless night and just the thought of it fuelled the impending explosion in my brain. To think, how the only possible breaks I had in travelling time was also affected. I stress more, haha.
When I reached home, I was completely in shatters. Thankfully, no more the heartwrenching emo ones but just stress. Still, haha. I might have had a nervous breakdown on my way but truly, thank God (:
To sit down on the floor, and forget the bag and books that were waiting to be opened. To close your eyes again, and simply talk to the One who was waiting for you all along to speak to Him, to cry out to Him, to draw close to Him once again.
My finger wants to start its trigger happy (I can’t help but to relate this to traphappy from Bio, and that would join the family of alliteration all over again haha) job again, but I must go on.
Yes, I do happen to have a mountain(s) of work awaiting. But –
Saviour, You can move the mountains, (: haha, get it!
All the mountains, all the oceans. Perhaps what I was doing wrong, was unwillingness to concede weakness. Yes, from the every day aspect as I simply refuse to let people help carry my things – I still refuse, by the way, don’t get your hopes up of taking away my file from me haha – to the perhaps failing aspect of myself not fully relying on God. Yet, He was still there.
You were there all along, right beside me. Watching me as I struggled over my work when the rest of the world was asleep, waiting for me to call out to You, just waiting, waiting. Thank God You finally let me realise what I was doing wrong. Thank You, for being there all along (:
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9
Yea, it does seem that I must have been out of my mind to switch from standard to higher chemistry and from nothing to standard biology at the same time. I think I have gone slightly insane as well. But, now, armed with my ever trustworthy jar of peanut butter and peace, it is not I who will conquer Mt. Everest. (oh, this isn’t good I sound like Yoda now ahahah)
But – God will. After all, who created the world? Think the world as a giant set. Everything – from endoplasmic reticulum, complex numbers, to peanut butter, free ice cream cones and yes, Mt Everest itself – is a subset of this great big family. But stop and think again. This giant set, is in truth, part of something bigger! No prize for guessing what, but jia you people! hahahahah
because, our God is BIG. yey yey (:
